First Mother Surrenders
Dr. Geoff Rickarby, an Australian psychiatrist, has studied adoption and its traumatic sequelae. He noted that a birth mother’s subsequent children (born after relinquishment of a first child) later realized that psychological inducement and lack of informed consent prior to adoption were often the chief cause of family dysfunction.
Sequelae included psychological defenses by the birth mother (first mother) that evolved into a false personality. The true self was buried under the cloak of denial, reaction formation, and isolation of feelings [a defense related to repression].
Ricarby found psychiatric disorders in mothers as a result of surrender of their babies. Personality disorders included damaging pathological grief and damage to interpersonal relationships. (This is my summary of an article that appeared on a website: Origins Canada in 2010.)
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Dr. Ricarby has compiled a thorough assessment of relinquishment trauma occurring in the baby scoop era. We must eventually integrate into the psyche our personal knowledge of the damage, a difficult task spanning many decades. The road to healing requires some acceptance of the traumatic effects.
Validation of the trauma by family and significant others is often lacking, making the healing more difficult. For many adoption survivors, the healing can only begin with reunion. Very gradually, some defense mechanisms can be lessened; in some cases, relationships may be repaired.
Online support groups (not available until recent decades) have helped some individuals. Ricarby has provided to birth mothers (first mothers) much-needed validation. We can see that others like us have had similar feelings. We are Survivors, deserving of both validation and respect.
In the early 1980s, a couple in northern Illinois gave birth to a support group in the Chicago area. In this case, a husband saw the intense, unresolved grief of his wife who had surrendered a child. He shelled out the necessary money to purchase microfiche records containing clues pertaining to the name of the second mother (the adopter).
The adoptee was located and the first mother could resolve the mystery of what happened to her child, who had been surrendered in a closed adoption. Unfortunately, my son’s adoption was not recorded in these records, which ended on December 31, 1963.)
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I am grateful to the first mothers, adopted persons, and adoptive parents, who shared their stories in our support group: Barb, Audrey, Teresa, Maria, Liz, Lorraine, Susan, Judy, Ann, Joan, Terry, Mary Lou, Diane, Carol, Phyllis, and Jim. At our meetings, we learned about ISSR: International Soundex Reunion Registry, where searchers could register. If both adoptee and first mother registered, a reunion was possible.
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I am thankful to Sue Martin and Rickie Solinger for providing insights and reviewing my book: Search for Paul David. Sue, an adoptive mother, enlightened our support group about her role in adoption and was a fountain of empathy for my situation and for other first mothers.
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Much has gradually changed about adoption since the early 1970s. We are led to believe that open adoption is now the norm. Is it? Or do we only hear about the adoptions that are open?! Is adoption now free of trauma? In some cases, the aftermath of adoption is built on a healthy openness; as some adoptive parents have opened their hearts, realizing the potential for psychological growth in the child they have adopted.
Still, it is reasonable to assume many adoptions are “open” in name only. For some, adoption means “ownership of the child.” I recently read a review at amazon which referred to the first mother as nothing more than the source “of biological material.” Is it any wonder that "prochoice" has become a strong part of society today?
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Is Termination Moral?
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Is it moral to terminate the birth mother? After the natural mother has served her purpose (delivered a healthy, white baby), the adoption agency wields the steel curette and the adoptive parents collude in the excision of the birth mother.
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After nine months of gestation, adoption terminates the natural mother and her remains are tossed on the human heap along with other mothers who have been terminated by adoption. Still, she continues to exist – not as a whole person, but as an organism who has been subjected to the cold steel of curettage.
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Adoption. The body of the natural mother lives on but her heart and soul have been hollowed out.
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Excerpt: The SEARCH FOR PAUL DAVID