I am a birth mother. In 1964, I surrendered my first-born baby to adoption, and this had a profound and lifelong impact. The psychologicaI effects penetrated the core of my being.  I began to write because I "had to" write.  What had happened could no longer stay hidden and buried. My first hardcover book was published in 1991.  In 1995, my book, SEARCH FOR PAUL DAVID, became available.  My last hardcover is an expanded, revised edition, published by Schenkman Books in 1998 (Trumpi).  In conclusion, I spent 1/3 of my life living without "my baby" and 1/3 of my life searching, researching, and writing.

 

There are millions of first mothers like me!  Many of them suffer from "birth mother trauma syndrome."  Until recently, few people recognized the long-term trauma suffered by birthmothers (first mothers) who had given their children up for adoption. Furthermore, the healing experienced by a mother and child reunion was often undocumented.  In SEARCH FOR PAUL DAVID, I chronicle the search for and reunion with my son and my quest for psychological healing.  My book also covers the ever-present controversy of agencies and institutions and their role in the adoption process.

 

Perhaps the psychological effects of child relinquishment were best summarized by C. Chandler, a birth mother, who recently wrote: "Giving a child up is a very deep trauma for a woman...a form of soul rape."  First mothers are not the only wounded souls--many adoptees are indicating that they, too, have been suffering from a set of symptoms  (a syndrome) related to their adoption.

 

My son may be an exception: He insists that he hardly ever thought about me and had a wonderful life!  Following our reunion, my son married.  He and his wife pursued their dreams and careers.  Much later, in their 30s, they were ready to have children and promptly conceived.  A boy first, then a girl.  A beautiful family, whose lives I share, though they live thousands of miles from me

 

As for me, I can see that I've gone through the stages outlined by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her pioneering work, Death and Dying.  The stages are denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

 

Denial occurred in the perinatal period and didn't last long!  After that, I vacillated between anger and depression  (while throwing in some life-saving repression and more denial).  Reaching the stage of acceptance means that healing has occurred.  Am I healed?   On most days, I accept what happened.  Complete healing may be an illusion.

 

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