I carried my first child and gave birth to him. His name is Paul David, but his adoptive parents gave him a completely new name. The birth certificate was altered so that it appeared as though B...….. gave birth to him. I was "erased." Through the years, it hurt like hell. I had no information who he had become or where he lived. Many first mothers have said they knew they would someday search for their lost child. I harbored no such hope. How can you find someone when you don't have a name? And, this is a very big country! Decades passed, times changed, and some pioneers discovered ways to find one's child! These days, with DNA analysis, the internet and Facebook, many people are finding lost family. We who have lost family are no longer grieving silently. Some of us are expressing our pain and outrage. Separating mothers and their newborns was a good idea? Narrow-minded thinking! Judgment! Creating a hole in one heart in order to fill a hole in another woman's heart. Now, some first mothers are 80 and 90 years old. One cannot live with a gaping wound forever, so these women perhaps built a shell around themselves, a protective shell to prevent that wound from re-opening. The news does report a reunion of a sixty-year-old meeting her joyful eighty-year-old mother. But, in some cases, the shell is no longer penetrable. Closed adoption has damaged many lives.

I am a first mother who lost my first-born son to closed adoption. Many of us are familiar with the damage caused by adoption loss. This forum has been created for first mothers (formerly known as birth mothers) and for their lost sons and daughters who became adoptees. Many adoptive parents have started to recognize the wounds created by adoption. Adoptees, as well as their first mothers, may try to hide their wounds. Forums give these hurting people an opportunity to air their feelings, and to connect with others like themselves.